I don’t know why, but that’s it.
For the first time since my first surgery way back in October, I’m throwing in the towel and going right back to bed. No juicing, no supplements, no exercise, no shower.
I know it’s chemo and I’m grateful to be doing as well as I am.
But I’m outa here and I mean it this time.
I don’t need a justification (I’m living it), but if you do, here’s a partial list:
- two days of throbbing aches all over, numbness, disorientation, weepiness and stomach woes – no appetite, limited taste, sore throat, tongue, ears, teeth, head
- two nights of writhing in pain and delirium
- one thawed canal
- one slushy, grey world
- two thread-bare, ten year old boots soaking two already aching feet with icy slush
- one first ever sleeping pill at 3am this morning
- one puffy, quickly aging, eyelash-free face
- one transmuting port-a-cath
- and did I mention our insurance company and broker are both robbing us blind and ruining our lives?
- oh ya, and the police knocked on our door early this morning informing me that I’m due in court April 28 and 29 as a witness against my bully of a “father” as a result of his attempt to break in to our home on April 5, 2009?
Oh, and today’s my half-birthday. Which means it’s six months since this all began. Halfy Birthday to me.