We Can Rebuild Her
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Prior to this journey, I had a long-standing, comfortable, mutually supportive, fun, close relationship with exactly one member of my family.

My sister, San Diego, California. Dallas, Texas. San Antonio, Texas, Zofran samples, Linda.
In Boulder, buy Zofran without prescription, Kjøpe Zofran online, bestill Zofran online, Colorado.
Three thousand kilometres away, buy Zofran no prescription. Zofran 500mg, That's one out of 78++ family members:


  • 4 direct family members of mine

  • 4 direct family members of Mark's

  • 18 maternal first cousins of mine (a hint of one promising relationship)

  • 52 paternal first cousins of mine (one friendly but distant relationship)

  • my 35+ aunts and uncles

  • not to mention Mark's cousins, aunts and uncles.


During the first five months of this journey, Zofran withdrawal, Zofran for sale, long lost cousins Tracy, Kathi, Zofran 150mg, Buy Zofran from canada, Betti and Stephanie have found and chosen to follow this blog and have offered hints at new beginnings and good vibes.

One very special cousin, Kelly, has become a pillar of emotional support, providing frequent and dependable doses of cheerleading, wisdom, humour and good company, BUY Zofran ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. She has become a huge part of our little family, Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Zofran from canadian pharmacy, And without a single physical meeting or even a phone call, my long lost Aunt Barbara has become as much an aunt to my own girls as they have ever known, japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. 400mg, 450mg, This burgeoning renewal of faded childhood connections has been nurturing, healing, köpa Zofran online, Osta Zofran online, Jotta Zofran verkossa, Zofran 250mg, educational and warm. And I am immensely grateful, Zofran 125mg. BUY Zofran ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, Yet even the failures at reconnection have been educational. Australia, uk, us, usa, Some of the most intriguing and thought-provoking phenomenon have been the reverberations -- both positive and negative -- of my diagnosis on the most painful, ever-present histories, where can i find Zofran online, Where can i buy cheapest Zofran online, lurking hurts, disconnections, Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado, Online buying Zofran, uncommunicated expectations and disappointments of the relationships with 7 of our direct family members.

This morning, Zofran over the counter, Zofran 100mg, as Mark joined me for my morning Gratitude trek, we tossed around our impressions, Zofran coupon, Order Zofran online c.o.d, observations and feelings about the dances that have grown out of my diagnosis and the five distinct Patterns to Peace which have naturally emerged:


  1. Instantly Committed -- Hands On

  2. Instantly Connected -- Hands Off

  3. Unchanged -- Innocuous

  4. Cautious

  5. Unchanged -- Destructive


Perhaps you've seen similar patterns in your own experiences?

It's a long conversation but it's important for us to share it. We hope you will give it a listen and that you'll grant us the privilege of your thoughts, Zofran 200mg, Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California, below.

Thank you for listening, Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Zofran 625mg,650mg,

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We’ve had our audio recorders running during a good chunk of our journey. You can hear more audio collages here.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Andrea Posted by Andrea March 13, 2010

March 13, 2010 at 3:35 pm.

19 comments

  • Isabelle

    Andrea, I listened and noticed that your voice is clearer and your inside comes outside. You two are lovely. I must admit that I cry every time I read your posts– and I am sorry about that– but this is the way I am. I am not only touched by your strength but also by how loving you are with all the people around you. Mark and you are soooooo beautiful together, sometimes that makes me cry even more, the good cry, like when you see your child on stage at the Christmas concert. I am afraid I won't stop crying even when you are completely cured. About family, some people I see everyday now, I consider part of my family. The term brother and sister, mother and father, has been stretched in my mind to include many people, now. I don't 'tell' them “brother” because that would sound kinda creepy or religious, or like I am a unionist, or something, but I think it in my mind. The word “friend” to me, is like “brother” really. Thanks for sharing all of this with us. This is helping me see things in a light I had never seen them before. Kisses to you, Mark and the girls.

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    Dear Isabelle,

    Thank you for taking time to listen to our rambling reflections, for your caring and for sharing your beautiful thoughts. We are so lucky to be among your friends. And our girls are so lucky to have you as their loving, generous, funky, french, effusive “auntie”.

    Mark and I have also felt our friends were our family. Our chosen family. And our fabulous friendships have made all our lives wonderfully rich.

    Still, direct blood family relationships and related issues stick deep and, even when I want to walk away, I've never really been able to free myself of the feelings of hurt, failure, exclusion, judgement, etc. This journey is forcing me into new approaches, new ways of looking at the hooks, roles, perspectives and even new learnings about the unsalvageable.

    I'm hoping we all come out happier and healthier.

  • Carol & Ben

    I am very glad I found your web site once again as I missed it when it was gone.
    We are watching your progress on your journey from miles away in
    Callifornia but think of you often and send our LOVE to all of you..
    Carol & Ben Colodny

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    Carol & Ben,

    Thank you for sharing our journey and for your kind thoughts. It means a lot to us.

  • Linda

    I've been thinking about the patterns and tossed this around in my head. I discounted # 5 (destructive, unchanged) as people to put away for now, maybe always, depends. Number one is a gift, someone like Kellly, who seems just natually know what is needed ,when and for who, a book, a conversation, a hug, quiet time, just being there or sweeping the floor. Someone that can see outside of themselves as to how to help and not be afraid to do so.
    The # 2 to 4 well…maybe more of us.. this may sound lke an excuse but. here it goes….I am thinking of people who are sort of trying to keep afloat in the shark soup and have difficulty with figuring out how to help, feeliing afraid to express what they feel, or feeling inadequate of seemingly small steps around a giant concern. Cancer is one of the “think about mortality signs” , we all face it and it is scary and easier to perhaps hide from that. Maybe that ties a bit into forgiveness, in that some people can only go so far due to their own fears….just thinking….. Thanks for the posting, great communication, love the idea of the trip to the other two hat statue, that will be fun.

  • cousinkathi

    Hi Andrea and family!
    I wanted to say hello and let you know I am still following your journey and let all of you know how much I enjoy all of your posts. Good, bad, happy, sad etc, it is nice to be a part of your lives every day.
    Have a great March break with your beautiful girls.

    Love
    Cousin Kathi
    xoxo

  • steve

    This is a great conversation. It's sooo difficult to simply sit mutely by while you guys jabber on (you know how I need frequent clarification, and love to hear my own comments and interjections).
    It must burn a lot of energy analyzing and categorizing so many relationships; it's like work. I suppose we all do it, but certainly not to this extent? Yikes! maybe I'm insensitive.
    Anyway, well done, you three!

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    You have an open invitation to drop by and jabber in person, Steve.

    The musings on obviously emerging patterns don't seem like effort to
    me. It's more like the relief of at least the beginnings of
    understanding

    or letting go of the past, or expectations or even the need to
    understand or to be understood maybe

    Like recognizing the various reactions helps me shed some of the
    burdens that have been weighing me down daily for years

    And communicating them here even moreso

    Thanks for being there and for listening, Steve

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    Thank you, Kathi.

    Be well
    Andrea

  • http://www.markblevis.com Mark

    You have an open invitation to drop by and jabber in person, Steve.rnrnThe musings on obviously emerging patterns don’t seem like effort to rnme. It’s more like the relief of at least the beginnings of rnunderstandingrnor letting go of the past, or expectations or even the need to rnunderstand or to be understood maybernrnLike recognizing the various reactions helps me shed some of the rnburdens that have been weighing me down daily for yearsrnrnAnd communicating them here even moreso

  • http://www.markblevis.com Mark

    Hey Linda… you've given categories two through four far more thought than I have at this point. Since you made me think about this, I believe two factors come into play.

    The first is lack of awareness, which may or may not be coupled with lack of interest. By awareness I'm not suggesting this is premeditated or malicious. I'm suggesting that the individual doesn't think about or realize what could be done or how to help. I suppose most of this comes from individual personality and environment.

    The second is fear of making a commitment. Andrea and I often talk about the difference between telling someone “call if you need anything” and “can I take your kids out cross country skiing for the afternoon?” Suggesting what can be done and when is decisive and helpful because, in one statement, it takes the burden of responsibility off the recipient of the help and suggests what the individual is willing to do and when. Besides, the helpee might not have thought about something cool like skiing and may not have considered the benefit for all involved by the activity.

    I'm not sure I buy into the idea of mortality as a reason to retreat from someone in need. But, that might be my romanticized hope that “it takes a community to raise a child” still means something.

    Mark

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    For me its not about helping or not helping

    The patterns in reactions to our situation simply provide intriguing
    food for thought about the individuals, the relationships, our
    history, our limited understandings of ourselves or each other etc

    To think eight of our closest relationships respond in such distinct
    and drastically different ways is extremely interesting to me

  • Linda W

    I see, I was worried later that there are so many ways to think about this and many of us readers out there do not know each other, and are are only generalizing. Its complicated. I was interpreting it in way relating to my own experiences when I or friends felt inadequate about not knowing what to do in situations not related to cancer but other times…and off I go on a tangent. Part of the reason why I appreciate and feel this site is valuable…helping us to think and learn The topic was interesting, did provide intriguing thoughts.
    I understand today is a more difficult day, hoping tomorrow is better.

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    Linda

    Thank you do much for sharing your thoughts and for your ongoing
    support and dialog

    I am truly enjoying our conversations

  • CindiS

    Hi. I am new to your blog. Just jumped over today and feel like I need to comment after listening in on your conversation. I am impressed with your rational thoughts about this- relating to others who are relating to you, relating to the situation, to the cancer, reacting, with baggage or not- it is really big. I have not had experience with cancer, but I when I lost my baby girl in our 20th week of pregnancy, we had a similar breakdown of reactions/relations from our friends and family. Now, 5 years later, I can give some of them the benefit of the doubt, and others I will never really be able to trust with my heart again.

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    Hi Cindi,

    Thank you for listening and for sharing your thoughts. I'm so sorry to learn of your loss.

    It's interesting that you saw similar patterns in your own experience.
    I suppose, as Linda suggested, mortality scares us and if we can't face it we bolt.

    Luckily, the people who can make the difference.
    And we learn from both.

    Wishing you healing and happiness,
    Andrea

  • CindiS

    Hi. I am new to your blog. Just jumped over today and feel like I need to comment after listening in on your conversation. I am impressed with your rational thoughts about this- relating to others who are relating to you, relating to the situation, to the cancer, reacting, with baggage or not- it is really big. I have not had experience with cancer, but I when I lost my baby girl in our 20th week of pregnancy, we had a similar breakdown of reactions/relations from our friends and family. Now, 5 years later, I can give some of them the benefit of the doubt, and others I will never really be able to trust with my heart again.

  • http://www.WeCanRebuildHer.com Andrea Ross

    Hi Cindi,nnThank you for listening and for sharing your thoughts. I’m so sorry to learn of your loss.nnIt’s interesting that you saw similar patterns in your own experience.nI suppose, as Linda suggested, mortality scares us and if we can’t face it we bolt.nnLuckily, the people who can make the difference.nAnd we learn from both.nnWishing you healing and happiness,nAndrean

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