Free to a good home

My massive hypochondria.

Despite earnest warnings by a wide range of survivors, I truly never dreamed for a minute that I’d be constantly terrified by worries of recurrence.

I didn’t even want to finish chemo. I toyed with skipping radiation.
I just wanted to get back to being me.

And here I am. Me.
Healthy. Happy. Able to do anything I like.

Why would I choose terror?

What I hadn’t counted on were symptoms.
Aches, pings and twinges. Changes in size and shape.

Three months in a row, my terror has reached fever pitch.
My first round was squelched by my ultrasound.
My second by my doctor’s examination.

This round is up to me.

About Andrea

Andrea Ross was diagnosed with breast cancer October 6, 2009 and intends to survive and thrive. You can read more from Andrea here.

  • Ginny

    Wow. My husband and I were talking about this this morning. How five years ago it took me almost two years to adjust and find myself again after my surgery. Of course, dear Andrea, you embarked on your journey with a much more positive attitude. I went in on major freak-out.nnYou have a loving and supportive family; together, you will be able to successfully combat this round and any future ones.nnSending you pleasant vibes and hoping your hypochondria finds a suitable home quickly!

  • janice

    There is no way I can say ‘I know what you mean’. I did suffer terror to a fever pitch, ‘hypochondria by proxy’, when Alison was a baby. She got chicken pox at 6 weeks – wonder if you remember the spots when you met her at 4 months. My beautiful baby turned into a pizza and I read later (thank God I didn’t know this at the time) that chicken pox is 50% fatal in 4 week babies. She did not get better without a hospital visit. I remember the first time after that she got sick AND better without going to the hospital. Didn’t know babies could do that. 2 more hospital visits before she was 2. Terror and hypochondria by proxy were regular visitors.nThe old adage ‘Time heals all wounds’ is kind of true. It has certainly decreased the terror. Now the kid looks after her own health – badly, at times. The worry is a dull ache – not terror at a fever pitch. nWishing for you, a decrease from terror, to a dull ache.

  • Thank you, Janice. For making me feel less crazy. For making me feel extremely lucky that it’s me and not my beautiful girls. I’m so glad your beautiful girl is healthy and happy and that your earned worry faded with time.nnLots of love,nAndreanxo

  • Terri,nThanks for sharing your hypochondria. You and I were diagnosed just weeks apart, so I guess we’re making our way through pretty normal stuff. Good to know!nnNow to put all that ill-directed creativity to more positive uses….

  • Thank you, Ginny, for your kindness and generosity. My treatment seems so long ago I keep forgetting my radiation only ended 5 months ago. I need to be patient with myself.nnWishing you good health and much happiness,nAndrea

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