Blendered. Again.

School started this morning.

Lucy and Bayla were thrilled. Mark was melancholy.

And I was chopped, tossed and tongue-tied by the schoolyard full of parents.

Stepping into that sea of smiling excitement knocked me flat.

I can’t think. I can’t smile. I don’t know where to look. Where to stand. My brain goes blank. I say stupid things.
It feels like I’m in a blender.

There were great friends in that crowd. And faces that maim me at the best of times. Both bowled me.

Sure, it’s all in my head. And I should probably ground myself, breath, repeat some mantra. But it takes me by surprise. I’m suddenly whirling and sputtering. And blank.

But I survived.

And today’s the first day of my first school year as a free-all-day mom.
I’ve got bon-bons to eat.
I’d better get to it.

Andrea Ross was diagnosed with breast cancer October 6, 2009 and intends to survive and thrive. You can read more from Andrea here.

Tags: "breast cancer blog", "social anxiety", fear, friends, frustration

Posted by Andrea

September 6, 2011 at 11:03 am.

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