“As Hope Edelman puts it so well in her book Motherless Daughters: ‘Our mothers are our most direct connection to our history and our gender.’ By their presence or absence, the example they set or the lack of it, their positive influence or their negative one, by what they gave us and what they couldn’t, for every girl who makes the journey from child to woman, the first mirror in which she looks is the mirror of her mother’s face.
What we do and don’t see there is a part of us forever.”
— Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence. Nancy L. Snyderman, M.D. , 2002.
(Thank you, Janice.)
“The ego believes that through negativity it can manipulate reality and get what it wants. It believes that through it, it can attract a desirable condition or dissolve an undesirable one…
..whenever you are unhappy, there is the unconscious belief that the unhappiness “buys” you what you want. If [you] did not believe that unhappiness works, why would you create it?
The fact is, of course, that negativity does not work. Instead of attracting a desirable condition, it stops one from arising. Instead of dissolving an undesirable condition, it keeps it in place….
But as long as negativity is there, use it. Use it as a kind of signal that reminds you to be more present.”
— Eckhart Tolle, “The Power of Now“.
“The first thing to remember is this: as long as you make an identity for yourself out of the pain, you cannot become free of it. As long as part of your sense of self is invested in your emotional pain, you will unconsciously resist or sabotage every attempt that you make to heal that pain. …because you want to keep yourself intact, and the pain has become an essential part of you… [The pain] is the living past in you, and if you identify with it, you identify with the past.
A victim identity is the belief that the past is more powerful than the present, which is the opposite of the of the truth. ..The truth is that the only power there is, is contained within this moment.”
— Eckhart Tolle, “The Power of Now“.
More forgiveness musings here.
One of the many highlights of the fab PAB2011 experience was the wit, wisdom and warmth of Anthony Marco.
While we await publication of the PAB2011 sessions, please enjoy his thought-provoking and experiential jolt from PAB2010, A Word is Worth a Thousand Pictures (a PAB2010 JOLT! by Anthony Marco).
More words, wisdom and wide, wide smiles thanks to Anthony, here.
I’ve been planning my PAB2011 Jolt. But I’m choking.
Luckily, I remembered this sanity-saving advice from Julien Smith.
Here’s a tiny taste….
Do things that you consider embarrassing.
You must try this. Find your internal filters and break them, one at a time. Notice how society, like an ocean, smoothes over the waves you make, until what you do gets eliminated, or becomes the status quo. Work with this.
— Julien Smith, The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck
If my Jolt is a flop. I’ll handle it.
I’m always pleased to hear that my blog has reached people. Especially those on their own versions of this journey.
Today, I heard from Alex in London, England. She asked if I had any advice for post-treatment life. I thought I’d share my response here…
Congratulations on completion of your treatment and thanks for your very kind message.
Hmmm. Advice for life after treatment? I guess my advice would be: lower your standards, enjoy each day, face your fears, exude gratitude and try not to stress about prevention.
It seems easy to find tonnes of advice on how to try to prevent recurrence and I made a tonne of lifestyle, food, habit changes during my treatment. But the best advice I have for myself (or you) is probably to be good to myself: and that can mean to remember to be moderate about the anti-cancer stuff. Not to beat myself up because I go weeks or months without eating brazil nuts or almonds or ginger or green tea or flax meal. To accept that I drink coffee and red wine etc. That I have the occasional run of late nights.
Oh, and unsubscribe from all cancer blogs! (I do check in on my cancer-friends from time to time, and catch up on their stories, but getting a steady stream of daily cancer-news was not having healthy results for the post-treatment me)
And here‘s a great bunch of advice.
Wishing you many years of great health and happiness.
The world, indeed the whole universe, is a beautiful, astonishing, wondrous place. There is always more to find out. I don’t look back and regret anything, and I hope my family can find a way to do the same.
— Derek K. Miller (June 30, 1969 – May 3, 2011)
Thank you, Derek, for your strength, your humour, your wisdom and your authenticity.
Thinking of you, Airdrie, Lauren and Marina. Wishing you healing and many years of happiness and good health.
A rallying cry from the reluctant hero of Zorgamazoo:
Now, sometimes you lose and sometimes you win,
but my Pop always told me: You never give in!
And if he were here now, I know what he’d say:
Morty, my son, when you’re caught in a fray,
or your travels are tough and the going is rough,
or you’re up to your neck in the slippery stuff,
or say some old robots are on the attack,
then I tell you, my son: You start fighting back!.
Zorgamazoo, by Robert Paul Weston
Well, then, Tobias… follow those dreams. Make those dreams happen.
— Tobias Funke, Visiting Ours
Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.
— The Princess Diaries?
Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
— Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail
Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? ‘Cause if it’s business I’ll go away happily. But if it’s personal, I’ll go away… but I won’t be happy.
— G.O.B. Bluth, Bringing Up Buster
What’s great about the world of awesome is that it’s totally subjective. You don’t have to care about the ways I do it, and I don’t have to like yours. The main judge is yourself, and whether you like yourself more than you did yesterday or last year.
This is only true if you are honest with yourself.
(and… Doing something prestigious does not equal being awesome. In other words, awesome does not look the same close-up as it does from far away.)
— Julien Smith, The Short and Sweet Guide to Being Awesome (click on over. His post is, of course, awesome)
“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud became greater than the risk it took to blossom.”
— Anais Nin (via Marcus Buckingham, The Truth About You)
“Every decision you make is one you should be comfortable betting on. If you’re not, you should be making different decisions.”
Julien Smith — How to Waste Your Life (January 2011)
“What is narcissism? It’s not what you think it is: It’s not ego. It’s not self-love. It’s self-loathing. Envy. Insecurity. Self-destruction.
The key to understanding the narcissism myth is not that he fell in love with himself, but that he failed to recognize himself in his own reflection. In other words, true narcissists are not self-aware.
A real narcissist is dissociated from his or her true self; he feels haunted by chronic feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and self-loathing and seeks to replace that disconnection with a sense of worth and importance fueled by others.
Narcissism is also marked by a profound lack of empathy, a fundamental inability to understand and connect with the feelings of others. Taken together, these are the traits psychologists measure in diagnosing what’s known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).”
— The Mirror Effect Dr. Drew Pinsky and Dr. S. Mark Young
“Narcissistic people create images of themselves to broadcast to the world, trying desperately to have those images be loved by the general populace or by their peers. Deep down, they are insecure and don’t think much of themselves.”
— Dave Roy. Curled Up With A Good Book