Thank you, Mark!

During after-battle tears, yesterday, Lucy admitted “I know it’s for our own good, Mom. So we’ll know how to clean up.”

What?

Then it hit me, I’d never really explained why we’d rather fight this battle than breeze through the tasks ourselves.

That it’s not about technique. And it’s not just about comfort and justice and self-discipline and space.

It’s about the mind-game.
Facing a mess and knowing we’ll get through it. One tiny bit at a time.

Accepting it’s there. Deciding how to look at it. Making the first move. Occupying our minds while we do it. And following through til it’s done.

Like illness. Like recovery. Like fear.
Like life.

And if I do, I sure hope I don’t find that I have alienated myself from every one of my children.

And if I have, I really hope that none of my children has to endure the trauma of a life-threatening illness without one iota of parental support.

And if they do, I sincerely hope I won’t be so petty and poisonous at to leave snarky comments on their blog.

But that’s just me.

Related Posts:

• Bent on Destruction
• This isn’t turning into the party hang out I hoped
• Peace Bond against Keith Ross
• I’ve Made a Huge Mistake
• Toxic Leaks: An Apology to You
• Journey Learning #6: Family
• Rethinking Family

“As Hope Edelman puts it so well in her book Motherless Daughters: ‘Our mothers are our most direct connection to our history and our gender.’ By their presence or absence, the example they set or the lack of it, their positive influence or their negative one, by what they gave us and what they couldn’t, for every girl who makes the journey from child to woman, the first mirror in which she looks is the mirror of her mother’s face.

What we do and don’t see there is a part of us forever.”

– Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence. Nancy L. Snyderman, M.D. , 2002.

Fingers crossed.

(Thank you, Janice.)

Relatives drop in and I’m sent to the local orchard to pick up some apples. It’s a 4km drive.
My 12 year old cousin, Susie, joins me for the ride.

We pick up the apples. Then, since we’re so close, I drive us down to the Rideau Locks. Park the car. Hop out and show my little cousin around.

But what’s that? A rusty little Civic is floating in the water.

The rusty little Civic that I just parked. Out of gear. On a slope. Facing the water.

My first full-scale failure.

A crowd. A boat. A tractor. A rope. Susie’s mechanic-Dad gets it running.

I squeeze out the seats. Cover them in blankets. Gussy myself up and pick up my hunky ex-boyfriend for our planned boat-cruise party date.

That’s forgiveness.
That’s resilience.

Twenty-nine years later — To. The. Day. — I learned that my long-lost cousin Susie and I are both breast cancer survivors.

Good thing we’re resilient.

We’re going to be fine.

Hilarious.

Unbelievably, our long-awaited cross-country train trip has come and gone.

What a wild, wild ride.

It was our longest family vacation, to date. And certainly our most intense.

Compared to the hardcore Rocky Mountain hiking, biking and camping of my youth, it was physically a cynch. But boy was it emotionally explosive.

Here’s a random smattering of our two weeks away. You can snag a bigger peek here.

	3 days and 3 nights of luxury, relaxation and amazing scenery, Ottawa to Edmonton.
	A happy reunion with a long-lost friend.
	An afternoon of waves and water slides.
	Abrasions, bruises, a broken big toe and minus-one iphone, thanks to a harrowing afternoon on the Pembina River.
	Thrilling road-side views of bears, elk, deer, coyotes and mountain goats.
	Gorgeous views of mountains and lakes.
	Such sadness at the news of Jack Layton.
	An afternoon on horseback.
	A glacier tour. A boat tour. A gondola tour. (oh my)
	A double-birthday celebration.
	A day of badlands, dinosaurs and hoodoos.
	An afternoon at the zoo.
	An afternoon of heartbreak and hope.
	A weekend of walloping western hospitality.
	A decadent dinner with long-lost cousins.
	A blast of all-consuming news.
	A day in the old west.
	3 days and 3 nights of luxury, relaxation and amazing scenery, Edmonton to Ottawa.
	A happy reunion with Phae and our home sweet home.

Huge thanks to everyone who made this a vacation to remember.

And especially to Janice for beckoning us out, sharing her beautiful province, keeping us safe and enjoying one billion laughs with us through all the ups and downs.

Thank you, Lucy, for sharing your warmth, your wisdom, your wit, your creativity, your love, your courage, your perspective, your passion, your steadiness of self. And thank you for your patience with us as we stumble recklessly into each new parenting realm.

I love you, my baby sweet.

Wishing you many, many, many more years of happiness and good health.

Love always,
Mom
xoxoxoxox