Better than she was before… Better, Stronger, Happier. A Breast Cancer Journal
I don’t know why, but that’s it.
For the first time since my first surgery way back in October, I’m throwing in the towel and going right back to bed. No juicing, no supplements, no exercise, no shower.
I know it’s chemo and I’m grateful to be doing as well as I am.
But I’m outa here and I mean it this time.
I don’t need a justification (I’m living it), but if you do, here’s a partial list:
- two days of throbbing aches all over, numbness, disorientation, weepiness and stomach woes – no appetite, limited taste, sore throat, tongue, ears, teeth, head
- two nights of writhing in pain and delirium
- one thawed canal
- one slushy, grey world
- two thread-bare, ten year old boots soaking two already aching feet with icy slush
- one first ever sleeping pill at 3am this morning
- one puffy, quickly aging, eyelash-free face
- one transmuting port-a-cath
- and did I mention our insurance company and broker are both robbing us blind and ruining our lives?
- oh ya, and the police knocked on our door early this morning informing me that I’m due in court April 28 and 29 as a witness against my bully of a “father” as a result of his attempt to break in to our home on April 5, 2009?
Is that a reason? I mean, is that a reason?
Oh, and today’s my half-birthday. Which means it’s six months since this all began. Halfy Birthday to me.
Posted by Andrea February 24, 2010 at 9:01 am.
13 comments
Coffee.
This morning I had my first cup of coffee since my diagnosis, exactly four months minus one day ago.
Sure, it was take-out, tepid and left me feeling jangled and quite sick to my stomach.
I simply forgave it.
Freedom and forgiveness — it’s a very groovy time.
More Happiness here.
Posted by Andrea February 5, 2010 at 11:06 am.
4 comments
Baking and batter have long brought me bliss.
Before cancer took centre stage, we baked several times a week — often as entertainment or just to lick the spoon.
That stopped suddenly on December 3, 2009, when I decided to shun sugar.
In the two months since then I’ve tried dates, I’ve tried stevia and I’ve tried fruit and cheese. But what’s a treat if it’s not a treat?
Yesterday, I decided I’d had enough. Life is short.
My long-neglected muffin tins were happy to see me.
Can coffee and wine be far off?
Andrea Ross was diagnosed with breast cancer October 6, 2009 and intends to survive and thrive. You can read more from Andrea here.
Posted by Andrea February 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm.
4 comments
Long, strong friendships.
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Bill
In a crowded Calculus lecture hall, first year at Waterloo, I spied a gangly guy in a fedora. In the twenty-six years since then, Bill and I have covered a lot of ground.
We made it through school, we braved bears on both Canadian coasts, we hitched a freighter to Labrador, biked past icebergs and camped among braying elk and screeching racoons. We drank a lot of coffee. We skied, we biked, we hiked, we drove.
We grew up. We stayed friends.
And what a friend. Bill has brightened our days throughout this challenge with delicious home cooked meals, healthful gifts and weekly visits. He’s subjected himself to gruelling afternoons of Life, Clue and Twister with Lucy and Bayla. And he’s turning the winter of their mom’s chemo into our girls’ first season of thrilling cross-country skiing adventures.
Happiness is my long, strong friendship with Bill Flanagan. |
| Jay
On July 1st, 1993, as we giddily embarked on a 7,550 km bike ride across Canada, I was greeted by the beaming smile, hand-painted Winnie-the-Pooh helmet and lime green cycling jacket of my soon-to-be best friend, Jay.
In the sixteen years since our cross-country meeting, Jay and I have survived headwinds, sunburns and soaked tents along the Icefields Parkway, the B.C. Gulf Islands and, scariest of all, rural Ontario. Our friendship has stretched to accomodate her adventurous years in Asia and my consuming years of early motherhood. We’ve skied, biked and skated. We’ve ranted and raved.
And our dependable weekly evenings of food, drinks and celebration-or-venting have kept me sane when little else could.
In October, Jay assured me, “We are going to get you through this.” With her weekly visits, her healing connections, her delicious home cooked meals and her weekend getaways for Luba, I know she’s absolutely right.
Happiness is my long, strong friendship with Jay Schmidt. |
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More Happiness here.
Posted by Andrea January 23, 2010 at 6:42 am.
12 comments
In the days before chemo, Lucy, Bayla and I would occasionally treat ourselves to hot drinks and a chat or bit of reading at a coffee shop during our walk to school. It was definitely a treat but I would never have called it thrilling.
Well, things change and today, exactly one month into my chemo-induced cocooning, we risked two blocks of main street germs and made a stop at Starbucks.
With cash in hand and carefully concentrating on our complex order, Lucy and Bayla headed inside. I waited and watched excitedly out back.
My lovelies emerged triumphant with steaming sweetness.
Not an earth-shattering adventure for the average Canadian family but for us, these days, the mundane is marvelous.
Andrea Ross was diagnosed with breast cancer October 6, 2009 and intends to survive and thrive. You can read more from Andrea here.
Posted by Andrea January 18, 2010 at 1:58 pm.
10 comments
Aside from the obvious feats for the squeamish (injections, surgeries, claustrophobic scans and implanted heart vein stuff), the past 3 months have provided me with opportunities to perform the following impressive stunts (please hum “The Final Countdown” while reading this list):
- lasting 3 weeks — and counting — without entering a store, coffee shop or restaurant
- grinning and bearing various brutally insensitive so-you’ve-got-cancer remarks
- surviving Christmas Day without coffee or chocolate
- juicing and guzzling a potent veggie combo every single morning for 10 weeks, and counting
- popping more pills and supplements than in my entire pre-c life combined
- wearing the same 8 or so tights, T & hoodie day in and day out for weeks
- enduring outrageous family flare ups without losing my mind
- peeing red (Epirubicin portion of FEC chemo)
- peeing blue (radioactive dye)
- sharing my home, against my will, with … wait for it … RATS (yup! the vermin moved in 4 weeks into this challenge and have yet to vamoose)
Ta da! (AD)
Andrea Ross was diagnosed with breast cancer October 6, 2009 and intends to survive and thrive. You can read more from Andrea here.
Posted by Andrea January 11, 2010 at 6:52 am.
2 comments
I’m settling seamlessly into my new Monday-Friday Home Alone Healing routine. My days are actually pretty full and, so far, they’re flying by. Here’s how I fill them:
- make and sip Flor-Essence tea
- supervise and/or make packed lunches and breakfast for Lucy and Bayla
- juice and guzzle: ginger, beet, celery, spinach, carrot & lemon
- down a slew of supplements
- bark orders at Lucy and Bayla and/or enjoy pre-school time with Lucy and Bayla
- walk Lucy and Bayla to school
- walk to the Gratitude Statue and back for my gratitude and affirmation meditations (5k)
- enjoy peanut butter and toast and tea
- catch up on email, blogging, blog reading, the news, do a little housework, maybe prepare a decent dinner
- do a 30 minute excercise tape
- read, dally, nap etc
- jog to the Gratitude Statue (unless the pathways are snowed over)
- dinner, family time
- enjoy an episode or two of “Arrested Development”, “The Office” or “The Simpsons” (with popcorn, if possible)
- sleep.
This coming week will be post-chemo, of course, so who knows what my routine will be. But I’m hoping my health stays fabulous and I’m able to keep enjoying this nurturing groove.
Andrea Ross was diagnosed with breast cancer October 6, 2009 and intends to survive and thrive. You can read more from Andrea here.
Posted by Andrea January 10, 2010 at 7:00 am.
3 comments
Popcorn!
Mark & I have shared a huge bowl of popcorn almost every single night for years and years.
Sometimes olive oil & freshly ground pepper.
Sometimes olive oil, sea salt, cayenne & nutritional yeast.
These days it’s more than a delicious treat (which happens to fit within my new coffee-free, sugar-free, alcohol-free restrictions). Sharing our nightly popcorn — and laughing at our millionth viewing of Arrested Development or The Office — makes me feel like life is normal.
And that’s extra delicious.
More Happiness here.
Posted by Andrea January 4, 2010 at 8:00 pm.
2 comments
If you are a parent undergoing cancer treatments, the first thing you should do is try to stop eating (and drinking): beer, wine, coffee, anything with sugar and anything with caffeine. Then there are some gross drinks you should drink (ie: beat, ginger, lettuce and/or spinach, celery and carrott juice and/or medicinal tea) after you have had all of those drinks it reduces the chances of throwing-up during chemotherapy.
Personally I think that I am getting less time with my mom and more time with my friends. It may seem to you like a big treat but to me I like spending time with my family but don’t get me wrong I also like spending time with my friends just when you are in a situation like this you like spending time with your family.
Bayla (Now 9!) is the youngest member of the Clan Ross-Blevis. You can read more from Bayla here.
Posted by Bayla January 3, 2010 at 6:16 pm.
2 comments
Andrea
Lucy* (